10 August 2012

Here goes nothing... I'm 29 years old, I've been single for the past 3 years or so after the collapse of my last relationship. There have been opportunities to find "love" since then, but the fear of getting hurt has kept me from committing. That is until now. 8-10-12. Her name is Carmina. She is currently at work and has no idea what she has waiting for her when she comes over tonight. I printed off a few pictures of us, put them in a frame and put the frame inside of a pizza box. When she comes over I'm going to say,"Look what they put in the pizza box." So I was expecting her to be off work at about 8:30pm. Well, I text her to see if she was off yet and she won't be off till 10pm... Seriously of all nights? Ha ha ha...

14 December 2011


The words infiltrated my ears and took my brain captive. It was as though a lightning bolt had struck and ripped through my body. I was left in a paralyzed condition as the power went out temporarily. When it was restored it surged and all I could see was RED.... What the hell? Fury was slamming against the wall of the dam that had been erected to contain it. Logic was hiding in the darkness and I scrambled to make sense of what was said. I left the room and tried not to make it awkard. My vocal chords seemed to be prepared for me to shred them like timber through a wood chipper. Volcano? Volcano? Ha ha ha... I'm dealing with the Lava. I've found the uninhabitated island. I've been here before and I know it well. The Lava changes the terrain and colors it black, it burns through the colorful landscape leaving blackness, thick heavy blackness that becomes an eye sore. Patience is a virtue and one that I am eternally learning.

I just emotionally threw up and it felt great. I don't even really care what the circumstances might be in the end. I feel like I was drowning and slowly loosing touch with the surface. The lead ball chained to my leg just kept sinking and going downward without the knowledge that I was connected to it. I was holding the bull by the horns, staring into its glassy lifeless eye as my feet dug trenches while I fought against its attack. Then I started pushing back with each step taking control of the situation. Air has slammed into my lungs and filled me with a rejuvinated vigor for life that will be carried to all the other vital parts of my body. The burden of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel capable, empowered and weightless.

09 November 2011

Rock Steady

So there have been some changes take place, yet AGAIN on this deployment. I've been relocated. It doesn't bother me though, I've been here before. Literally. I'm back at Ali Al Salem. Its a small base and the chinese food was something I had been craving since my last return home. Susan still works here too and is the filipino lady I remember her being. Still just as lazy too. Ha ha ha...

Things here are good. I like my job for the most part though I do wish it was more challenging. I'm also sharing a room with one other guy, last time there were 3 of us in a room. Either way it beats sleeping on a cot like I was in Buehring. Yes, cots and plywood floors in a big tent. It wasn't bad either. Which is kinda the case here, this isn't that bad. I enjoy this place and like being here, so it makes sense that they are trying to send us home early. LOL.

I've been contemplating my life lately, where I've been, what I've done and the choices I've made. To be honest I am content with the mistakes I've made and continue to make. I'm not perfect I feel as though I recently escaped the pressue I felt in trying to be perfect. I feel like I am looking inside the box rather now instead of being trapped inside of it. I feel comfortable like I can breath and stretch my legs out a little bit. But then there is the part of coming home, I feel like coming home I will get right back into the same rut and slide back into the box I just escaped.

I'm here at Ali alone, there isn't anyone from my Unit here. It's just me and the people I meet. There isn't anyone here that I haven't known for more than 3 weeks. Its crazy! I love it. Getting to know people and their quarks and what makes them who they are. I love asking them questions about where they are from and their life experiences. In learning about them, I feel like I learn about myself. The more I am here the more I dread coming home. Not that I don't miss my family, friends and the luxuries. But it's just the same old mundane life. Nothing new ever seems to happen when I am home and it pulls me down. I meet new people here every week and love the adrenaline I feel when I am sitting in a group of strangers.

We're all so weak and fragile. That doesn't sound the way I wanted it to. We all have weaknesses and downfalls. There isn't anybody that doesn't have a tick mark against them. My mind is full right now and there is so much I want to say. But I must be off, it's gym time and socializing time... I'm off work for the day...

16 October 2011

Combatives... I'm going to own you!

Where do I begin? I guess I should start where this all started at, that being the gym. Back in Iraq I was hitting it solid and feeling amazing, then the mission changed (again) which caused my gym routine to become interrupted. I got lazy and stopped hitting the gym for a hot minute. Until recently, I unleashed a TIGER! Malmstrombay (Charles Malmstrom) and myself hit up the PX and got us some N.O.Xplode, Volumaize and TrueMass. I also started doing some rather intense research on bodybuilding.com as well as buying some magazines that instruct proper techniques and what not. It's been a change that I have longed for during the past several years. I've never been ashamed of my body, I live and active lifestyle and therefore my body follows suit. I'm in shape but I've never been this muscular and toned before. The change feels amazing and I feel it when others see me. I have a long ways to go before I reach my ultimate goal, but the fire is lit, and baby.... ITS BURNING! Last night Malmstrombay and I tore it up, hard. We worked out arms, shoulders and chest. My arms became inflamed and the burning swept through to my shoulders. I was putting up more weight than I had ever done before in my life.

The changes are ripples of water that reach out and touch other aspects of my life. Its a delicate root system that shares its nutrients with everything it touches. My view towards the gym has just been touched and is nourishing my next challenge. Combatives. I've been in so many level 1 combatives classes that I've grown tired of them. Yet I hear Today that I've been enrolled in yet another. Starting tomorrow I begin rolling with other guys in my Unit. I'm not thrilled about it, but whatever. I'm going to take it and make it mine, I'm going to plaster my name all over it, give it my all and own it!!! When I'm on top of it, I'm going to drop kick it and bid it farewell. It's a trend I've adapted to all things bitter in my life. I don't run from the pain, I don't hide from the fear. I stare it down and remind it who's running the show.

26 July 2011

Livin the dream...

Atleast thats what the reply is these days when someone ask, "How ya doin'?" A few other personal favorites are "If I were any better I'd be twins" or "Another day in Paradise" Though the latter isn't exactly applicable until we get our boots on the sand. Granted the humor is lost in the sauce and it might not make sense to everyone. Point being, I'm here, this place sucks, but I have a positive attitude. I don't know that it sarcastic or truth, thats where the humor comes in to play. Ya never really know when someone uses one of the previously mentioned.

Last night we worked with the Air Force and it was an interesting experience. It had been sometime since I had been around my C-17 and it was refreshing to be up in them and walking the flight line with the sounds of such power surrounding me. Speaking on Power, we did some MRAP training as well... DANG! As you can see in this picture I got from the internet these beast aren't small my any means. But they accelerate like my Mazda 3 with more torque of course. It was very difficult seeing over the front of the truck and passing other MRAPS on the small dirt road provided me with some stress. But this baby could handle the bumps we hit and the seats are soft and smooth. I was some amazing training, these trucks take an IED hit like a champ and odds are higher that the crew will survive. These beast are now what we use in convoys out there in place of the HUM-V's.

So its struck me the other day how long I am going to be gone. When I left Logan I felt hopeful that there would be a lot of the same things to return to. When in reality those things will be no longer. Its saddening to have to accept that, but its better than being nieve and getting hurt when I get home. I'm certain I will be starting from scratch again regardless of what has been said. I have yet to decide if facebook is a friend or a foe, atleast it shows me what I need to see. There will be a lot of adjustments to make when I get back, but I've dealt with those before and I feel VERY confident that I'll be able to adjust yet again.

I feel like this is me getting a second chance at everything I ever wanted. My last deployment I had to literally uproot myself and leave everything behind, everything in rumble and ashes. It was the hardest time of my life yet the most educational. Since then I have been around and learned alot. This deployment will be a pivotal experience in my life. It will set me up financially, another lesson learned with the last one. I'm just looking forward to it all and happy about where it is going. We have some very solid people going with us. There are also some that I call true friends. This Unit has some serious potential to really rock some amazingness while we're at the beach.

While I was home for my 2 weeks blackout I was able to go with some friends to Vegas. It was a lot of fun and I had a great time. We were able to see Gavin Degraw and the Red Rock Inn. It was by far the most amazing Venue, because it was a poolside show. I loved it and had the best company. These are the girls I went to Vegas with, this picture was the night we went to see Gavin. It was a lot of fun and I look forward to more trips with them when we get back. We've got some more planned and it will be a lot of fun.

Well, I think that pretty much sums up about the jist of things for me. A few things that might be happening in the future. We (Nannini, Malmstrom, Russett, Schrecker and myself) might be heading to D.C., Arlington, a Blink 182 concert and a few other fun things when we get leave before we fly out. Speaking of flying, I wish I knew what kind of bird we are taking over there. I hope its chartered....

18 April 2011

...bwaha ha ha ha....

"Are those fish for something?" She asked. "No, they're just fish." He replied.

29 March 2011

Knockin on April already?

Hey, here I am again posting yet another blog. Things in mylife have been getting insane! I love it. I've been gone so much for Army training its been unreal. I can feel a career coming about. Back in February I went to Kentucky/Tennessee for a week to learn about the GPS system the Army uses. It was a little one week course and very laid back. We stayed in a hotel and only had class for 4 hours each day. I got back to Utah on the 4th of February enjoyed some time with my Mom and Sister (Katie) for my Moms birthday. Then on the 10th I was off again to Boston for some more training regarding our upcoming deployment. I realized I may have a challenging deployment coming or a very laid back casual one, depending on what I get tasked to do. I'm hoping for Caualty Operations, that being the challenge. So Bostons training was a little over 2 weeks. I got back to Logan on the 27th. Saturday the 5th of March I was on the road again with my Dad and Brothers (Zack and Brad) going cross country to South Dakota. We went back to scout out a school where Zack will be going to play Football. It was a good road trip and I loved it. We pulled into Utah.... Wednesday I believe. Saturday I was on the road, yet again. I went to Camp Williams for WLC training. It was alot more intense that I expected it to be, but looking back on the experience it was good and I needed it. I got back Sunday morning and slept for a few hours. This weekend I am headed to San Francisco for more training. I'll be gone for about a month. I love it! I love getting out and learning how to help the soldiers I am deploying with and the ones I will be coming in contact with. When I get back from San Fran I will have the month of May free. It'll be my Month to spend time with family and friends before heading to the sanbox again. After May we hit June where I wil have 2 more weeks of training, 2 weeks home and thats it. Then we head off and over. I'm looking forward to being deployed. I know the people I am going with and we are already a tight group. We've trained together before and we know how each others works. We have a solid group of soldiers and we will do amazing things overseas.

As for everything else, things are good. I only wish this stupid snow would go away so I get some rides in before I leave. For those of you who read this, if there is anybody who does, where would you go for 2 weeks of vacation time? Anywhere in the world, plane ticket is paid for, you just have to pay for lodging and food.